Once Upon a Time Bitches

Once Upon a Time, Bitches

by Branden LaNette

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GENRE:   Self-help

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BLURB:

That’s Branden on the cover. Yes, she has a boy’s name, a Mom bod, and her tattoos are not photoshopped. She doesn’t look like your typical author and she sure doesn’t look like the next self-help Instagram sweetheart. 

However, besides being a wife, mom to six kids (plus others with fur), coach and business owner, Branden is the author of the new book, Once Upon a Time, Bitches. It’s a fast paced, in your face, expletive laced, nothing held back message to women everywhere: There is no magic fairytale, but if YOU work at it enough you can come pretty close to creating your version with a happily ever after. 

But first, no more whining and no more damsel locked in a tower, bullsh*t. Is it possible to design a fairytale life? Control your destiny? Be the hero in your story? Branden thinks there is and she wants to help you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Excerpt

Ever since I was 8 years old, I dreamed of an easy life. The problem with my dream? I expected that fairytale life to be handed to me. And when it wasn’t, I decided that fairytales were bullsh*t. Not that you can’t have a fairytale life—you can. What I understand now, however, is that to get a fairytale life, you’d better be willing to work your Cinderella-ass off for it.

Still, I held on to the fantasy of having an easy life handed to me. I wanted to be saved. To be specific, I thought I needed a guy to be my hero. So I went about trying to find one.

I dated a lot of guys. Lots of guys.

But as they came and went, I always ended up disappointed. Not a single one of them ever made my life easier. Things weren’t going the way I’d planned. WTF? Hadn’t anyone read the f-ing script? It was right there on page 43:

“Tall handsome guy with tight ass, great pecs and a 124-foot yacht named “Sh*tload of Cash” enters stage-left and sweeps Branden off her feet, and they sail off to Barbados.”

Even in my adult years, I would find myself just wishing—not just for prince charming to appear (which he eventually did in the form of my husband, minus the yacht and gobs of cash) but wishing for things in every area of my life. Even today, in my writing/coaching career, I find myself drifting into wish-mode: Why isn’t this easier? Why can’t things just take off and grow overnight? Is it always going to be this hard?

And when it comes to parenting, it’s the same thing. Why can’t parenting just be easy? And in my marriage, too: Why do I have to keep asking for things? Can’t my husband just read my f-ing mind?

One day I—still 8 years old—had the most terror-filled realization in a simple yet profound truth:

No one is coming to save you.

F**k. No one is coming to rescue me. Ever?

My heart broke. More like shattered. Yet, after taking some time to mentally digest this fact, I found this realization liberating somehow. Why was this liberating? Because it meant I could stop waiting for something outside myself for my salvation.

It put me in control. Newsflash, bitches: No one is coming to save you, either. Get it? No. One. Is. Coming. You’re going to have to save yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Interview with the Author:

1. How long have you been a published author? Not long! My book was released in October, 2019.

2. Do you have any new releases coming soon? I am hoping to have another book out this year called Twice Upon a Time, Bitches which takes the journey of where we went in the first book to the next level.

3. If you could co-write with another author who would it be? If I could cowrite with any author, I would LOVE to collaborate with Tony Robbins for non-fiction. If we are talking fiction, I could get down with Stephen King!

4. Do you listen to music while writing? If yes, what songs are your favorites? It depends on what I’m writing, my genres are crazy. Death metal makes me happy when I am writing fiction, old school rap music makes me happy when I am writing nonfiction. Mix in some 80s classic, and some country, and you’ll never know what’s on my playlist LOL … I am all over the place.

5. What genres do you write in? I wish I could cover romance, I’m just so awkward. I’m obsessed with Hallmark movies and I think I want to write one million books every time I watch them. I do have a lot of fun writing suspense thrillers. If I could do that for the rest of my life and get paid for it, I would have it made.  I’m really good at this nonfiction self-help area. I think that is what my voice was made for and I’m totally happy with that as well. If there is something… anything I can say to get someone to make their life a little better, or to understand that no one has it easy so it’s OK to keep going, I’m here for that.

6. If you could write anywhere in the world, where would it be? I love to write when it’s rainy and cloudy and snowy. I could live half of my time in Seattle and the other half in Alaska and write my life away. That would be the dream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR Bio and Links:

Branden LaNette doesn’t look like a typical author but she has long ignored what she “should” do, say and look like. On her own at a very young age, Branden eventually found herself with the wrong guy, the wrong job, and a bleak future. The fairytale she was promised as a child never materialized.

Finally, Branden decided that she wanted something different for her life, and realized no one was going to do it for her. Prince charming wasn’t coming to save her—she’d have to save herself.

Step by step, decision by decision, through major trials and tribulations that would stop most people in their tracks, Branden learned how to turn heartbreak into happiness and self-judgement into inner joy.

Today, Branden LaNette is an entrepreneur, coach, speaker, wife, and stay-at-home Mom to six C-section babies (ages 1-16) and way too many f-ing pets. Somehow, however, she manages to juggle all of this effortlessly (a blatant lie) while pushing her way through the kinds of fear and self-doubts that whisper within all of us (totally true) to achieve her goals. Her most recent dream come true is this book, one that is destined to have a major impact on millions of women across the globe (or at least nine people in Michigan.)

Through it all, she has found her happiness, her joy, and more importantly, her voice. 

Contact Info:

Website: BrandenLanette.com

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/fairytalelifecoaching/ 

Twitter: @Branden_Lanette

Instagram:@Brandenlanettel

Hashtags: #OnceUponaTimeBitches #OUATB

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Once-Upon-Time-Bitches-Fairytale/dp/1947814869/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Branden LaNette will be awarding a $50 Amazon or Barnes and Noble GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

Enter to win a $50 Amazon/BN GC – a Rafflecopter giveaway


10 thoughts on “Once Upon a Time Bitches

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.